Gym Days 3-10 (except 4 lol I skipped that pic I guess)
I'm having a really good time annoying my friends by posting a snapchat, a facebook post, AND a tweet (and now a blog) for every single Gym Day.
Every day is Leg Day for me. I have this fistula in my arm - basically they did this surgical procedure where they fused together a vein and an artery, so the blood REALLY gushes. I'm not supposed to put strain on this part of my arm (bicep), so I can barely do arm stuff. Ya know what, though, I'll sacrifice the flabby arms for toned legs and ass. And maybe abs. I hate to say the word "abs" as "abs" do not currently exist on my body. I have a muffin. I have legs on the bottom, and a muffin on top.
Going to they gym is still overwhelming, because I've never worked out before....well, at least not as an adult. Let me give you a little background on my weight and body:
I used to be a lil chunker, as many kids are. Until I turned about 11 or 12, I was just normal. I will say that as a kid, and really even as a teenager, I fucking hated eating. I hated cooking, chewing, hot food, cold food, mostly any food-related activities lol. I remember eating basically nothing in high school. A: because I didn't like anything, B: because eating didn't interest me, and C: because I was terrified of being fat. I was 98 lbs or less for all 4 years of HS, and vegetarian the entire time. I used to wake up in the morning, pull off my shirt, and evaluate the stomach situation. If I felt fat, I wouldn't eat that day. If I didn't look fat, I wouldn't eat that day so I wouldn't get fat :/ My diet usually consisted of a Slim Fast Shake for breakfast (which I snuck from my sister), a brownie and a Mountain Dew for lunch (so I could hoard money for magazines with the extra lunch $), and some bread or rice cakes for a night time snack. This served me well. Thennnnn I got a job. In a restaurant. I started learning that I kind of liked a lot of foods when I could experiment and make it for myself. I started eating at least 1-2 hot meals a day. By 19 when I moved out, I was at 115. However, my NEXT job was making gas station food. I knew I was getting bigger, but my bf at the time was a pretty big guy, and I knew he wasn't complaining, so I just kept eating that shit. I was also broke as a joke at that age (who am I kidding, I'm still broke af), so I ate everything I could for free. By the time I turned 21, I weighed 210. I ate out late at night (because I could, and it was something to do before being of drinking age), and the food I was cooking in restaurants was trash - pizza, burgers, fries, etc. I also still didn't have much of a clue how to cook in a normal home kitchen, so everything I made was out of a box and packed with sodium and garbage. I had also quit being a vegetarian during this time. I quickly became depressed about my weight and my body. Like my whole lifestyle changed. I cropped all the pictures I took of myself, I cut the tags off my clothes so I wouldn't have to see Size 16 or XL or anything, I weighed myself obsessively, I didn't swim for years, and never even considered sleeping naked.
Terms are highlight to like, really show my sad state lol
Let me tell ya, this whole weight thing really effected my everyday choices, not to mention my sex life, which in turns fucked up my love life. It turns out a girl really need some self-esteem. Although my friends never said a word, and my ex never commented on it, I felt like that was all people saw when I was around (wow, she got fat - or the ppl who I just met: wow, this girl is just fat). I have to warn anyone reading this there is really no happy ending to this story yet. I lamented being fat for years, and have never really made a conscious effort to make healthy changes. After I split with my ex in 2010, I started eating vegetarian again, and quickly dropped back down to about 150. After another wild break up in 2012, I started really partying hard and not really sad-eating (I was sad-drinking lol), and I got all the way down to 130.
Well, it's been a crazy time, in general, and back up to a pretty high weight again. I know a lot of girls who go through this over the years. A girl's relationships, jobs, living situation, and all kinds of external factors can effect weight gain and loss. It's just difficult to take the lead over your own health and body and just go for it. If I was naturally a Go For It person, I wouldn't have gotten into this situation in the first place. I just needed a big push from a friend who would push me but not judge me. That's why when Krissi asked me to go, I was like ok - I know this girl. When I wanna buy an ugly bathroom rug from Target, she says "No, girl. That shit is ugly. Let's go." And when I want ANOTHER purse, she's like "How much is it? Do you really need it?" And when I find a really flattering dress, she's like "YES you need to buy that. I don't care if it's $30. Don't be cheap." What I'm saying is we've really established a relationship of trust lol. I hope everyone can find a friend who can inspire positive change in their life.
So right now I'm not on a crazy-ass diet or a maniac cross-fit routine. I just go to the gym for as long as I'm able, as many days as possible. I'm trying to try all the machines and see what works what areas, how much weight I can lift, and how much will kill me the next day. Not too complex, people!
Moral of the Story:
Try not to get too comfortable feeling sorry for yourself. It's all about little choices I think.
-Someone said that.
My Random Thoughts For Today:
-I think it's hot when a guy wears sandals. Especially like a preppy, nice, chunky, leather sandal. But only if they have dece feet.
-I'm going to a Chicago Blackhawks game tmrw. My bestie and our other bestie are taking me because I'm poor af. It's going to be AMAZEBALLZ.
-I tried really hard to find a female rapper to enjoy, but I was pretty unsuccessful. If I had to choose, I'd say Azaelia Banks was pretty legit.
-Previously described Bath Sponge + (the one with body wash inside) is at like 14 washes and I think it might actually work for 20 as described on the package - I really love when things do what they're advertised to do!
Ok I'm gonna post this now. I'm rambling at this point.
No comments:
Post a Comment